Girls und Panzer

All persons depicted are fictitious, not owned by me (Girls und Panzer and all characters depicted and mentioned are owned by Actas), and above the age of 18.


Your New Mistress

Originally posted 2018-06-15


Ah, it would seem my tea has gotten cold. Here, help yourself. 💙

In her school uniform, Darjeeling sits cross-legged on a high-backed chair, looking down at you with a grin and glowing blue eyes.  She tilts an elegant white and gold teacup, causing the tea to trickle down her pantyhose-clad legs.  A few drops make their way down to her shoeless feet.

Hm? Well, it doesn't really make a difference how expensive it is. I can refill my cup whenever I like. I just thought you looked thirsty down there.

Hot tea, you say? Hmmm... I'm not sure if I'm willing to just give it to you, just because you asked. Besides, I wouldn't want to scald my legs delivering it to you. I have very sensitive skin, after all...

Ha! That was a joke. I could take a swim through the sun and emerge out the other end completely unscathed! You see, sweetie, I'm actually a goddess. I wield power so great your mind couldn't even comprehend it. As a result, basically everything goes my way.

But just because I can abuse you that doesn't mean I will. Let it never be said that I'm a cruel mistress. I may be a goddess, but I have no intention of abusing my power. Well, beyond my toying with you, sweetie.

Now then, if you'd rather not have cold Earl Grey, then what would you like?

Warm Darjeeling, you say? Oh, sweetie, I'm touched! Flattery will get you everywhere, especially when it's directed at a goddess!

Here you are, sweetie. Enjoy~💙


god i wish that were me

I think it was inevitable that I made a caption of Darjeeling. She's a third-year who's the very image of grace and elegance, and even wears pantyhose to boot! (Granted, it's part of her school's uniform, but still) She's my cup of tea (pun totally intended) on several levels!

The image I used is fanart of Darjeeling from Girls und Panzer, by Masahiro Kure on Twitter. The first couple sentences of the caption are basically the same as the text accompanying that post. Danbooru has a translation, if you're interested.

What if Darjeeling actually doesn't like Darjeeling tea? I mean, she is an Anglophile, and Darjeeling tea comes from India. If that's the case, then I imagine she'd be happy to pour it down her legs for you to drink--she's certainly not going to.


Camellias and Cactus Flowers

Originally posted 2020-08-21


Good day, Saori-san. Recent events have motivated me to give you a present--namely, ah... me.

Hana smiles while blushing, wearing only a white keyhole sweater, revealing her generous cleavage.  In the space between her breasts lay an arrangement of flowers: a large white lily, accompanied by a smaller red fern leaf peony and a yellow marigold.

It's a bit on the... unconventional side, as you can no doubt see, but I trust you'll appreciate it. I know you've expressed interest in this style of sweater before, so I got one... s-somehow.

I'm well aware that you've been greatly enjoying your powers and the freedom they offer you. I can't imagine what it must be like.... being completely unbound by time, space, law, and logic, reveling in pleasures incomprehensible to any mortal... it must be amazing.

You have been on my mind a lot recently, Saori-san--to the point that I've been struggling to not think about you! It's very strange.... Perhaps I've become enamored with the idea of goddesshood? Considering how lavish and incredible the experience appears to be, that may be a likely answer.

I... I'm honestly not sure what's happening to me. I'm not normally this... erotic. It reminds me of when Yukari-san fired a tank round during our first practice match. I'm sure you remember it too. I instantly found myself yearning for the rush of adrenaline that comes with the noise and force of a firing tank cannon. This is... like that, only more profound. It's difficult to explain.

Everything just feels so good and flowers appeared in my cleavage somehow! Saori-san, I don't understand any of this, but every impulse in my body is screaming at me to confess to you! I can't take any more of it, so here goes! Saori Takebe, I love you with every fiber of my being! I love you so much that it hurts to see you flirting with every cute girl you meet! I love you so much that I want to tear off this weird sweater and make love to you all night!

Wait a minute. Where did this sweater come from? Where did these flowers come from? How are they perfectly arranged like this? Saori-san... do I have powers, too?


Working title: Tiddy Ikebana

When I first saw Girls und Panzer back in the day, I was instantly smitten by Hana. You've heard this sort of thing from me before. Anime as a medium just has too many waifus, man! Don't get me wrong, I love it, but still!

I spoke with my friend Bloom about identifying the flowers and their hanakotoba meanings, which influenced the premise for this caption. The big white flower is obviously a white lily, but the others require more extrapolation. We assume the red/pink flower is a fern leaf peony, and the yellow flower a marigold.

The image I used is of Hana Isuzu from Girls und Panzer, done by Oosaka Kanagawa on Pixiv. Thanks to Akane, Bloom, and madokaaaaaaaaaaa for beta reading and additional contributions.


A Strikingly Vivid Reality

Posted 2023-10-20


To call it a hard-fought match would be an understatement. Your tank, St. Gloriana’s Churchill, and Saunders’ Sherman fought in a tense elimination battle lasting a record time of 5 hours and 19 minutes.

Afterwards, back on your school carrier, you were notified that the leaders of your opponents in the exhausting match, Darjeeling and Kay, were very interested in meeting you personally.

You were familiar with Darjeeling, actually. Maybe you and she had met before? Your memory of it is hazy--maybe it was a dream? There was that one time you dreamed of shaking hands with the one and only Maho Nishizumi, after all.

You and the two commanders agreed to meet up on your carrier to hang out and celebrate their victory. You were a good sport and they more than deserved a celebration, so you happily accepted. Oddly, they wanted to meet at your ship’s tank garage of all places, rather than something like a café. It didn’t strike you as much of a hangout spot, but you went along with it, admittedly mostly out of curiosity.

They apparently beat you there, having spotted you as you arrived. They were the only people there--the tanks present outnumbered the humans four to one.

Kay called out to you, waving you over to your tank. She sat atop the rotatable gun turret, straddling its long barrel in a manner that struck you as suggestive... but you pushed that thought aside.

“Ah, here she is! Hey!”

You waved back and approached them. You spotted Darjeeling standing on the floor, next to the tank. The image of her felt oddly, vaguely familiar, but you still couldn’t place how.

“So you’re the valiant commander who held her own against both of our tanks,” Darjeeling said, smiling. “It’s an honor to meet you in person.”

“Likewise!” You shook her hand.

Kay silently hopped down from the turret and made her way behind you, though you didn’t realize it until she had already given you a good slap on the back. “'Sup!”

The impact stung a bit, but you could take it. As you turned around to face her, you saw just how startlingly little she was wearing: only a white bikini, gym shorts, and white thigh highs, with her dull green uniform jacket shrugged off her shoulders.

With all your willpower, you retained an admirable amount of composure, keeping your gaze level and voice steady. “K-Kay, right?”

“The one and only! Seriously though, you were fantastic out there!”

“Indeed,” Darjeeling added. “You surprised even us. Admittedly, you did lose in the strictest sense, but I believe leadership and performance of the caliber you demonstrated deserves a reward, even if it doesn’t come with the prestige of a shiny trophy. To that end, I’ve brought a wide variety of treats for us to enjoy. Please, help yourself to as much as you’d like--don’t hesitate to indulge yourself!”

Dumbstruck, you began stammering. “I-I-- wow. A-are you sure?”

“Absolutely! I have more money than I could ever hope to spend in a hundred lifetimes, and we all deserve it, so why not?”

That surprised you... though on the other hand, St. Gloriana was very much an ojou-sama school, so her abundance of disposable income made some sense. Surely she was exaggerating a bit, though... right?

You prepared a plate with a generously large slice of cake and possibly the world’s most beautiful and ornate tea cup and sat down on your tank, to one side of the turret. Darjeeling sat on the opposite side. Kay had a whole apple pie before her with an enormous bottle of imported American cola.

From your peripheral vision, you became aware (with a start) of Darjeeling staring at you with remarkable intensity. She was the very image of composure and elegance: one hand rested behind her while the other held a steaming cup of tea flawlessly. Her pantyhose-clad legs were crossed as she wore a coy smile.

The whole visage left you a little perturbed, honestly.

“W-what is it?”

“Mmm, nothing. I’m just curious if you remember.”

“Remember... what?”

“The time we kicked our shoes off and enjoyed some tea together--Earl Grey, then Darjeeling.”

Wait, if she knows that, then that must have really happened!

“Hm? Something up?” Kay asked from her turret perch.

“Uh... sorry, I’m a bit distracted,” you replied.

“She’s beginning to piece things together.”

“Oh, is she now?” Kay smirked.

“I am? Wait, have we... like, actually met before?”

Darjeeling giggled and took a sip of tea. Naturally, she was able to transform such a simple act into a work of ineffable grace and elegance. “‘Actually’ is a far more subjective term than you think it is. We have ‘met’, but in conventional terms, it was only a... strikingly vivid dream.“

“I-- how do you know that?”

“Well, I was there! I willed you to have that dream, because I happened upon you some time ago and thought you were cute! I wanted to start by gauging how receptive you’d be to me. If you were revolted or apathetic to the dream after the fact, then I would’ve left you alone, no problem. But as it turns out, I’ve been on your mind a lot since then. It would seem you have a thing for blondes~💙”

As Kay chuckled, you blushed. She was exactly right, reading you like an open book now. But...

“How is that even possible? No one could know this much about things I’ve kept entirely to myself....”

“Well, you’re right about that, but I’m no ordinary human, and neither is Kay. You see, we’re both goddesses with infinite power at our disposal.”

Your first thought was to ask for proof of such an absurd claim... but all of a sudden, you felt intensely, profoundly small compared to these two women. They projected an aura of complete and utter divinity and supremacy. Otherworldly empyrean light shone in their eyes. You were almost fighting the urge to prostrate yourself on the cold concrete before them in worship.

You were at a complete loss for words, unsure if you’d ever be able to speak again... though that quickly passed, probably thanks to the unambiguous omnipotence of the two commanders before you.

“Proof and then some, am I right?” Kay grinned again.

“Y-y-yes, I, um... th-thank you for that,” you replied, struggling even with their divine aid. “Well, I suppose I have no choice but to believe you now, but I’m still confused why you picked me of all people. Surely there are others out there who are more impressive, skilled, or whatever than me. How did I catch the attention of beings like you?”

“You’re operating on a bit of a misconception with your logic there,” Darjeeling replied. “We were born as mortal humans, same as you, but we ascended over time into the goddesses we are now. I confess, it’s not known who or what is the initial catalyst for our ascension. There would seem to be some sort of origin point somewhere... but more to the point, we’ve lived mortal lives long enough to respect them utterly, just as you do.”

Kay added, “We may have the power to do anything and everything--not to mention anyone and everyone~ ...but we still have respect for others. We may be objectively and infinitely superior, but we don’t want to act like it.”

“Exactly. As far as I’m aware, Kay ascended shortly before me. I noticed her acting recklessly and spoke to her about it, after which she came to realize that subtlety is paramount for the likes of us.”

Kay stammered, “H-hey! Come on, you can’t tell me you’ve never wanted to declare yourself to the world as something like ‘The Goddess of Sensha-dō’ or whatever!”

“We’ve talked about this, Kay.”

“...Because if everyone knew you were omnipotent beings capable of any feat without exception,” you conjectured, “you’d never have a free moment in your eternal lives?”

Darjeeling smiled. “Yes, exactly! Thank you--I’m glad someone here understands my rationale.”

“It makes sense for your... unique situation, but...” you chuckled. “I’m still a bit surprised that my being cute was enough to attract the attention of omnipotent goddesses.”

Darjeeling giggled. “Don’t sell yourself short! I mentioned you to Kay and she was very interested in joining me to meet you.”

“Yeah, you seem like fun!” Kay added. “I’d love to get to know you better~💚”

“As would I. And as it happens, I can tell you feel the same way. I know you’ve been eyeing us, fantasizing endlessly about us ever since you arrived.”

Kay was apparently privy to your inner thoughts too. “It’s not even just that we’re two beautiful young women--you love that we have the power to do anything. Not what I’d expect from a seasoned sensha-dō commander... I bet you’d rather have that power for yourself!”

Your heart skipped a beat. She was absolutely and unsurprisingly correct, but it felt downright blasphemous to even think it. Your heartbeat began increasing with no plateau in sight.

“Well, all in good time,” Darjeeling said, apparently using her powers to calm your overwhelmed body and mind. “Let’s not put our new friend into cardiac arrest before we’ve even gotten in bed together.”

Your tank began dissolving from underneath you. Before long, you would’ve fallen a couple meters due to the structure you were sitting on ceasing to exist, but a telekinetic force gently lowered you to the garage floor, which you noticed turned scarlet. Examining it more closely, you realized it became a remarkably soft carpet.

The particles that formerly made up your tank began swirling around the three of you. The garage was reconfigured into a luxurious suite, evidently tailor-made for your pleasure.

The carpet matched Darjeeling’s crimson uniform, which shrank down in compliance with the absolute will of its wearer. The skirt shrunk down into what could charitably be called a belt, while the jacket turned into a shrug, baring her entire torso and revealing the black micro bikini she has on underneath.

Panting and even sweating with anticipation, she put her hands behind her head, drawing attention to her incomparable bust. Kay followed suit, though she didn’t have to sex up her outfit first. She began fondling her breast with one hand while tossing the other behind her head.

Darjeeling and Kay kneel on a red velvet carpet, showing off their bodies to you.  Darjeeling's uniform jacket has become a shrug, baring her torso and revealing a black micro bikini.  Kay's jacket is open as usual, and she gropes a breast with one hand while the other rests behind her neck.  Both girls' eyes are glowing: Darjeeling's are blue, while Kay's are green.

You started feeling the warm flesh and smooth silk in your own hand, apparently through Kay’s. That made your head spin a bit, causing Kay to laugh.

“Honestly, you might actually die slightly from having sex with us, but don’t worry--no actual harm could ever come to you while in our care!”

Even with your newly regained lucidity, the idea of dying (slightly?) from this encounter didn’t unnerve you like it would have normally. It would seem Kay’s claim even extended to the mental, dampening fear to allow objective thinking.

And with that clarity of mind, you were elated. There was of course no (mortal) way of predicting this turn of events, but you had to admit your luck was pretty unfathomably good... at the risk of winning the award for biggest understatement of all time.


Working title: Yuri und Panzer

Commissioned by @ghostlygardener on Discord. Thanks to Akane and Engineered Sorcery for beta reading and additional contributions.

The image I used is fanart of Darjeeling (left) and Kay (right) from Girls und Panzer, done by Another Story on Pixiv (first image).