Nothing Like the Sun

Despite all odds, this story got a TV Tropes page, so I've decided to give it its own page here.

This is a collaborative effort between yearends and myself--he did the writing, I did the image editing. Since I didn't write these, their word counts aren't counted on my list (I can't take credit for something someone else wrote entirely on their own, after all)--though they're taken into consideration for estimated reading times.

All persons depicted are fictitious, not owned by me (Fate is owned by Type-Moon), and above the age of 18.

Nothing Like the Sun

Originally posted 2020-04-01

Working title: Fuck glowing eyes, all my homies hate glowing eyes

The title comes from the first line of Shakespeare's Sonnet 130, wherein the speaker's lover's eyes are described as being "nothing like the sun". That was yearends' idea--I'm not nearly as well read as he apparently is. I know a few tiny bits of Shakespeare from Star Trek, but that's it.

The image I used is fanart of Jeanne d'Arc Alter from Fate, done by lerome on Pixiv (first image).

I want to say up front that I love being omnipotent. I know not everyone agrees with that, I've met a few other goddesses in my time who would probably be happier without it, who find it boring and stagnating, but for me, it's still the best and most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.

And really, what I'm going to complain about is going to seem so minor, when you consider that I can literally just rewrite every aspect of reality to suit my every whim, that I really shouldn't be mentioning it at all. Just #goddessproblems, there are starving kids in Universe 24-HF-*$, right? (Well, there were, I've fixed that for good now.)

But it's not like I just left mortal life behind after I ascended, y'know? Sure, I've been around every multiverse and back, seen universes be born, seen them die, lived through their entire existences, but I always go back to visit my friends. They all know I'm all-powerful and they love hanging with me as I just play with everything.

But there's one thing I can't change that I really wish I could, and it's these damn eyes. No matter what I do, I can't stop my eyes from glowing! If I close my eyelids, they just shine right through. Ditto with sunglasses. If I delete my eyes entirely, the sockets glow. Hell, I've tried not having a head and there's still a glow where my eyes would be!

A woman with light hair wearing a tight black dress under a red and blue fur-lined coat looks annoyed. Her eyes are glowing so intensely that her facial features are difficult to make out.

And believe me, there's very little that's more annoying than when you're just trying to have a fun night out with your friends but because your eyes are glowing, everyone runs up to you asking for favours and blessings and whatnot. It'd be fine if they just prayed from a distance--I can tune that out and sort through it later--but getting constantly hassled whenever I step out of my apartment is enough to make me want to just… well, I don't know. I don't want to just ignore all of them since some of them really could use my help but come on, I can see the future and alter the past here, for the love of me it can wait!

The worst of it is that not all of us have this problem. There's some goddesses out there whose eyes just don't glow at all, and others who can turn it off if they want. But I guess whoever or whatever gave me these powers decided to play a cruel joke of its own and make it so that I can't, and so I can't even try to pretend to have a normal life any more--something most of those others just gave up after they ascended (if they weren't just always omnipotent to begin with), and many of them were happy to do it, too!

Is it really too much to ask for an all-powerful goddess like me to be able to enjoy a nice night out with her gal pals every now and then? Nobody coming up to bug me, nobody getting all afraid of me or worshipping me, just me and my friends laughing and joking like the old times--well, like the old times except that I'm also messing with existence while we do it for some extra amusement. Why did it have to be me who got these damn eyes!?

More Lovely and More Temperate

Originally posted 2020-04-03

Working title:

This title comes from the second line of Shakespeare's Sonnet 18, which She decided was an appropriate contrast to the less-than-complementary title from last time.

The image I used is fanart of Jeanne d'Arc Alter (left) and Saber Alter (right) from Fate, done by Boa Sorte on Pixiv.

It’s been a side project of mine ever since I ascended to find out just who gave me my powers--and, more importantly, my damned glowing eyes. I’ve yet to find a way to get rid of them, but if I could at least know why I have them I figured that would give me a sense of closure.

I searched every multiverse I could find, every mode of existence, talked to every other god I could contact. But none of them knew any better than I who might’ve done it.

I even made my best friend omnipotent, too. After all, two heads are better than one, and she knew just how much this has annoyed me, and so maybe she’d have some insight into it.

No such luck--and what’s worse, she’s got the same problem with her eyes that I do. But hey, at least I got to have fun toying with existence with my BFF!

Then, one day, I chanced upon a small anomaly in my own home universe. It looked--just for a moment--like there was something completely wrong with it, and my friend realized that if someone were to jump right at that exact moment, they’d go straight through the ceiling and land on the next floor.

So that got me thinking, especially since I could rule out any of our fellow gods as the cause, that there had to be something more going on. Imagine our surprise at what it was.

We weren’t real at all.

We were just fictional constructs, created by a pair of horny people in an "outer" reality, who had a fetish for beings like us.

They made us because they wanted to fuck us. Or maybe be us. Or both. And they’d made plenty more like us, and other people with the same fetish had made other characters, often for much the same reason.

And why had they made us? As a joke. One of them had a fetish for glowing eyes, and the other wanted to poke fun at it, and so they made us for that purpose. Well, they made me to do that, and then they made me make her all-powerful, too, just to add to their little laughfest.

The bane of my existence, the reason I can’t have the normal life I so desperately desire--and she can’t, either, now--I have because someone wanted to make a fucking joke.

But this pair of chucklefucks forgot one thing: they made us omnipotent. All-freaking-powerful. And they were so incredibly arrogant that they thought that it would be enough protection from our wrath to be "real" while we were "fictional".

Well, they know differently now.

We’re going about to all our friends, telling them where to look for the people who created them. I don’t think most of them will have too much to complain about; they’re mainly pretty happy. Honestly their creators can probably look forward to a pretty good time soon. But there’s a few who also want to give their makers an earful.

So just a word of friendly advice: if you make an omnipotent character, make sure they’ve got nothing to complain about.

The goddess sits on an elegant red throne, legs crossed. She smiles smugly as her friend--wearing a black tank top and jacket--leans over the back of the chair. Both of their eyes are glowing brilliantly, obscuring their facial features.

Sweet Beauty Hath No Name

Originally posted 2020-04-05

I regret everything. I regret everything I've ever done.

This title comes from the seventh line of Shakespeare's Sonnet 127, as a little nod to Her lacking a name.

The image I used is fanart of Saber Alter (left) and Jeanne d'Arc Alter (right) from Fate, done by nipi27 on Twitter.

So torture can be fun and all, but eventually it just gets tiresome, tedious and repetitive, even when you've got infinite power, once it becomes apparent that it's getting you nowhere.

We pulled those two assholes into our reality and forced them to write us losing our glowing eyes. It didn't work. Turns out, they can only affect us when they're in their own universe, but if we put them back there, since they're too turned on by said eyes, and we couldn't hurt them as long as they were there, they wouldn't do it.

So eventually we ran out of fun ideas and let them go.

But while we were still keeping an eye on them, my friend picked up on some chatter about the stories they'd written. And that really got me angry about what they'd done.

How could I not have seen it before? I'm fucking omnipotent! It never made any logical sense that I couldn't just will my glowing eyes away. It was just a matter of narrative convenience, for the purposes of their stupid joke, that I would think that even though I knew I was all-powerful, there was something I couldn't do.

And once we realized that it was just a silly mental block, it fell in no time flat.

Of course, it was still a matter of narrative convenience that they could only affect us while in their own world, and we couldn't affect them while they were there. But we'd had our fun with them already and a partial victory's better than none.

With that problem solved, there was no longer any reason for us not to make the rest of our friends omnipotent, too, and let them gallivant about the multiverse and have fun like we have. It's always great to run across their handiwork and see what sorts of ideas they've had that I'd never thought of, like galaxy bubble tea. Of course, regular bubble tea is still extremely delicious, and far more inconspicuous.

So now, instead of blaring our status as omnipotent goddesses to everyone who sees us, we just look like two smoking hot women out for a fun time. We get to fuck with stuff with nobody being the wiser and not get bothered by annoying worshippers. Of course, now we get hit on plenty, but it's a lot easier to say "no" to someone who just wants a threesome than it is to say that to someone whose kid is dying of cancer.

That's not to say that we're averse to a threesome--or a foursome, fivesome, or really any number. After all, omnipotent here, and cloning yourself feels amazing.

Oh, and you're probably wondering, if they said they wouldn't do a piece where we finally lost the glowing eyes, how this happened anyway? Well, only one of them actually really liked glowing eyes, but the other was the writer.

And I've been omnipotent long enough to forget what some people will do for money.

Before a neon-lit city street, the goddess and her friend hold cups of bubble tea, with conspicuously not-glowing (though still gold-hued) eyes. The goddess flips the bird to the viewer, and her friend looks understandably scornful.